i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
where are you?
Hypothermia
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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