Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
