First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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