Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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