Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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