it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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