we're chasing vodka with high fives
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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