and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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