It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
