Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
