If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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