My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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