if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
