The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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