i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
