my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
