Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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