He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
