i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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