he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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