Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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