He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dicks are not precious.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
