She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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