Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
