heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
