just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
