Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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