cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
