hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
