non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There r osticjed everywhere
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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