we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
