I wish my penis had an off switch
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
