There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
