So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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