he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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