i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
