before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
