Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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