just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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