so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
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I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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