My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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