Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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