pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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