i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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