I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
