I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
