i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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