Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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