Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
