There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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