i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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