hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
