Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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