i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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