My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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