so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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