lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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