Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
