It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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