So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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