oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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