their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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