Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
