I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Your dad touched me again.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize