so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
