Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
