I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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