She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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