"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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