he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
