This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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