I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
